Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
