just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
