I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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