I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
