you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
