the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
FUCK WHALES
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
