he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
