I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
