I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
