saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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