...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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