u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
