were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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