She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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