after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
