i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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