mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
