have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
