Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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