I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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