I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
