forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
only you would photoshop your dick
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
