Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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