even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
