Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
