i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
