Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
