No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
