I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
