Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
