2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
