thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
