i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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