All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
