Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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