Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
