I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize