I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
