I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She even gives head with a lisp.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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