Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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