Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize