Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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