dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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