Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
