Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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