I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
