the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
