A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
