i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
