Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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