Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
