Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
