I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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