the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
