Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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