I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
