Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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