Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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