you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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