she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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