i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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