CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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