Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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