i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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